MBP8,2 (15" Early 2011) - Very bad lag on Big Sur and higher - suggestions?

I've seen a fair bit of success stories about the MBP8,2 (15" early 2011). I have a 2 GHz i7 Quad Core with 16 GB RAM and a 256 GB SSD, and I've tried Big Sur, Monterey, and Sonoma. Every single one has horrible lag, even after installing root patches. I'm talking I can't scroll down a webpage without bad stuttering and dragging a Finder window around with no other apps running has bad artifacting.

What gives? The dGPU is working fine—everything boots normally. Is there a way around this issue? I'd like to run a newer OS (and High Sierra, the last official OS, runs buttery smooth) but I'm not sure what is going on here.

submitted by /u/WindozeWoes
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